I am sitting at the Siesta Cafe in Wasagaming - otherwise known as Clear Lake, Manitoba. We used to come here every summer for the Tamarack Golf Tournament. It seemed like the perfect place to get some rest and relaxation after the memorial services for Callum. We had some thunderstorms and rain early this morning, but it has turned into a great day.
It has been a bit of a tough day. One thing about not being busy is that you have time to think. When you have time to think you start to see reality. While I know and feel that it is real that Callum has passed away, it hurts so much to realize I will never, ever see or hear him again. I am so thankful for pictures and videos - it helps to keep the memories alive.
I had some really tough moments last night. I was begging to have him back. I would have done anything to turn back the clock and have him here. Where is Marty McFly and the time machine??!!
It just hurts so much. Grieving is so necessary but so, so hard. I want to be tough, but I don't know if I can do it. This new reality sucks right now. I know it will get better, I know I will enjoy life again - in fact, I have many enjoyable moments now. But the hurt never leaves.
I am enjoying sitting at the cafe using the wifi. Being outside is wonderful! I am looking forward to bakery cinnamon buns for breakfast tomorrow. And maybe the driving range.......I am looking forward to trying to golf again......
The future is bright, but it will be lonely and tough for a while.....
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
TTFN
Lorna
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