Time...oh time....where does it go?

I don't know where the time goes! It has been such a busy month and here we are back in Medicine Hat already! This is my busy time at work so have been working on funding applications and our premiere event of the year - the Minister's Collection student art showcase. We had our reception and celebration in Regina yesterday. It was a great day! 

I attended the District 42 Toastmaster's Convention the weekend of May 1 - 3. Since my ambition is to become a paid pubic speaker I thought it was a logical group to join after we moved to Saskatoon. We are a smaller club but very nice and encouraging! I thoroughly enjoyed the convention and met many wonderful people. I picked up quite a few tips in the field of public speaking and were we so fortunate to have the Toastmasters International President provide an education session and the keynote address. 

One exciting thing to have happened in the last month is that I have started a group in Saskatoon as part of the Lance Armstrong Foundation's Global Grassroots Campaign. The LAF is expanding its efforts globally and I thought it was a perfect fit to help address cancer issues in our community and to advocate to make cancer a national priority. We had our first meeting May 6 and combined our first meeting with a Conversation on Cancer Control. The Conversation is part of a world wide effort G0 Public Campaign organized in partnership with the LAF, Campaign to Control Cancer (a Canadian organization) and the International Union on Cancer Control. We were a small but powerful group! Everyone in the group has been impacted by cancer in some way, and has a lot of passion to discover how we can best control cancer. It was a very informative and inspiring meeting!  I look forward to working with this group - they are amazing and so very supportive!

 

As for Callum - he is doing great! He is doing so well that I often forget he is sick. He is still not taking the Oxaliplatin chemo - and won't have it again until either the side effects are gone or the disease starts progressing again.  He has few side effects from the 5-FU so has had many good days lately. Of course......when you own a Porsche every day is a good day!  Yes.....a few short months ago it was looking like Callum may not drive again. And now....he owns a 2000 Porsche Boxster! It is an awesome car.....I love it.  It is sitting in our garage right now because in Saskatchewan it needs daytime running lights to be safetied so we can register and insure it (we bought it in Winnipeg).  Callum made many phone calls to track down the lights and relay switch and find a repair shop in Saskatoon who will work on the Porsche.  But the earliest appointment we could get was June 1 - so the car will sit until then. With any luck a cancellation will come in and it will be done sooner. And it should be done snowing by then!

Callum has an MRI on May 28 to check the status of the brain tumours, and other than that he has just regular chemo treatments coming up. It is now sounding like he will likely remain on blood thinners for an undetermined time, regardless of what the blood clot is doing. I suppose it is better to be safe and make sure there is no more clotting.

After months of dealing with the various medical issues it has been a bit weird dealing with some calm in the medical front, and with Callum feeling so much better. At times I forget that this can change at any moment. We have had over 2 months of regular, routine treatments and tests - no crisis or mini-crisis. Sometimes it feels like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then I try to enjoy the moment, be excited for the day (and the Porsche!) and believe that it doesn't have to end. Some days it is hard to not borrow worry - I have to work hard at not worrying about things that likely won't happen. No worry until there is something to worry about. Balancing a positive outlook with anxiety lurking in the background. I was telling my massage therapist about how contradicting my feelings can be, and he said that every day is like that for him! It is so helpful for someone to normalize some of these feelings. Everyone has days like that for various reasons - I am not unique in that way. It is normal - how nice that sounds. I am quite enjoying this less stressful time and talking about the future. Callum is working so hard to stay healthy and we are looking forward to time spent in Medicine Hat with our grandbaby (and our children, of course!). So many happy things ahead of us. 

I have been approached in the last week by a few people who know someone who may be seeking some support as they travel through their cancer journey. I am quite willing to share what I have learned, provide support, encourage - just plain listen - to anyone. If this blog helps you in any way, and you want to make a more personal connection (by email, phone, whatever works for you!) feel free to contact me. As I have said, cancer does not strike in isolation, and neither can change. I will do my best to help as you travel on your journey.   Send me an email calloscott@shaw.ca  and let me know how I can help.

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow." Orison Marden

TTFN

Easter - new beginnings

Happy Easter! 

We are enjoying Easter in Medicine Hat this year. As time goes by and families grow we have had to be flexible and creative. This year our family Easter meal was a brunch. Our nephew Chris and his family graciously offered their home for the family get together. We brought some wifesaver brunch casserole and Erika brought some fruit. Along with toast and juice we were well fed! The weather is beautiful - blue sky, sunshine and warm enough to not need socks! I love it! The deer in the picture was just outside Vanessa's patio door this morning. Maybe not unusual in the country, but a real treat in the middle of the city!

It has been a good news week. We met with Dr Ahmad and had some preliminary results from the CT scan - nothing of interest showing, it has basically stayed the same. Callum's blood work was very good, with the exception of those nasty liver enzymes. Two pretty much stayed the same and one was up again. Callum also still has some of the numbness and tingling in his hands and feet. So, no Oxaliplatin for at least 4 weeks. Dr. Ahmad still wants to go ahead with the 5-FU (Fluororacil) chemo and he increased the dose a bit while there is no Oxaliplatin. The neat part of it is that the 5 FU is that it can be pumped through the IV in about 20 minutes. This means that Callum is at the hospital for only about 1 hour on chemo day. The side effects have been minimal again so that has been really nice. We are hoping there is no more increase in the liver enzymes. While Callum will say he is nearly ready for a break from chemo he really wants to keep on with it as long so he can to be sure to keep those cancer cells at bay! 

"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family." Earl Nightingale

 

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me! For those who know me pretty well, you likely know that I am not one of those people who tends to be humble about my birthday. I am usually always ready for cake and presents! And this year I am not disappointed.  No, the car isn't my present. But it is similar to the one Callum will  soon be looking at - if we ever get rid of the snow in Toon Town! Hopefully Jamie was able to get out and start the scouting trip in Calgary today.  Today is a wonderful day. I have to admit that I think I had a few moments before Christmas when I was fearful that Callum would not be here to wish me happy birthday. We are so fortunate and grateful that he is. And he is feeling great! We are joining some Saskatoon friends for dinner tonight so it is an extra special day.

Things have been quite normal and stable these days. I am able to put in fairly regular working hours and Callum is having fun driving the hottest car in Saskatoon.  He had his regular 3 month CT scan yesterday and we should have some preliminary results on Monday when we meet with Dr. Ahmad. I know I am a bit nervous about this one - he has had 2 really good scans, and no change since July.  We know each month increases the chance that there will be a change, but I just don't think it will be this one.  We both believe that the rising liver enzymes are due to the chemo and  he may be looking at taking a cycle off to give his liver a break. And perhaps without the Oxaliplatin in his last treatment the enzymes may be down now! He is still feeling some numbness from the Oxaliplatin so we suspect he won't have it this cycle, if he does have chemo. The sciatica he had been experiencing is pretty much gone and nearly now only a bad memory. Many people have been telling me how much better he looks than he did before Christmas. We are now convinced the side effects of the whole brain radiation were much worse than we first thought. 

We are excited to be heading to the Hat Easter weekend. We haven't seen Vanessa, Stuart and baby bump since February. I am sure bump has grown quite a bit. Jamie is coming out to Saskatoon the middle of April so it will be wonderful to see him since we haven't seen him since we got back from Scotland. 

I am starting something new and exciting.  A couple of months ago I came across an opportunity to start a LIVESTRONG Community Group in Saskatoon. www.livestrong.org/global   This opportunity was offered by the Lance Armstrong Foundation as part of their Global Campaign on Cancer. It will be a grassroots group that will work on fulfilling the mission and vision of the Lance Armstrong Foundation while addressing specific community needs for cancer survivors and their families.  Specifically it will focus on ending the stigma of cancer; help increase awareness and access to resources, services, prevention, treatment and care; and work with governments to make cancer a national priority. We are just in our infancy and will have our first open house and meeting on Wednesday, May 6. I have found some very good people who are interested in helping me with this exciting challenge and have already found some great community support!  It has only just begun but I am finding it very energizing and easy. It is a path I must follow.

"Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."   Vince Lombardi

TTFN

Update time!

Cal BBQ-ing in Ixtapa .....fond memories of +30 degrees.....to take away the pain of -48 windchill!

Hi folks,

It has been a while since I have posted. Time seems to fly so fast these days. Callum has been doing OK - is starting to get some relief from the sciatica that started in February. Thank goodness for good massage therapists and chiropractors! He had another cycle of chemo this past week, with reduced 5 FU - one of the chemo drugs.  His platelets were up slightly so that is good. They had been a bit low the last cycle. We had some great news - the MRI of the lumbar spine region came back clear. It looks like the leg pain is caused by a regular, but painful, case of sciatica. He has his next CT scan on the abdomen/chest/pelvis on April 3.  Hopefully there are no changes again. He feels no different so we are feeling pretty positive!

I have gone back to work full time - we'll see how it goes. This is the busy time for us so I hope to be able to get us through the next 2 - 3 months. It helps so much now that Callum is able to drive again. We are having fun practicing the schedule and planning of who needs to be where and when and who will keep the car. Never a dull moment here! And with the reduced chemo he has fewer side effects so he is up to cooking and laundry a lot more often - it makes such a huge difference when he can do those things.  

We have a busy visiting week coming up. My friend and her daughter from Ohio are here for a few days.  They are here to see family so it will be busy for them. Cal's brother and wife (and hopefully nephew!) will be here this coming weekend, and our dear friends from Winnipeg will be here next Sunday (Carvers...here we come!). We have had a pretty quiet time the last couple of weeks so it will be nice to have visitors again. 

One thing that I have wondered about lately is what people think when we say Callum is doing well. I don't usually worry about what people think - mostly am wondering about the "science' of perception and communication. Sometimes I wonder if people think that he is feeling like he did a year ago - full of energy and able to take on anything. I wish that was the case. I have to remind myself sometimes that even though he looks like the same old guy (well, with a little less hair) he doesn't have that same energy level. It's just that he looks like he should be able to put on his suit and head to the office! And he does have a number of days he feels like that - just not enough of them. And he likely couldn't put in a full day. Just hard to see it that way, sometimes. And then....when I say he is doing OK....do people expect to see the gaunt looking cancer patient? And then wonder how sick he could be when they see him? Maybe I am just trying to reconcile it for myself so try to see it though the eyes of others.  It is just so hard to realize that even this time may be limited. Things have been pretty stable the last few weeks - it seems like we could live like this for years now! Hopefully that is the case. The other option just seems to be far away right now.

And we have so much to look forward to. Just over 3 months to being grandparents. You should see Callum's face light up every time we talk about the grandbaby. Such a wonderful time in the lives of Vanessa and Stuart...and ours! 

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."     Denis Waitley

Merry go round or rollercoaster?

Another 2 weeks have gone by - where does the time go? Soon it will be spring - wont' it? 

We have had a busy couple of weeks. I am not sure if we are dizzy from being on a merry-go-round or from being on the mini rollercoaster.  Things are pretty much OK - not much to worry about.

Just over a week ago Callum hurt his back and had pain radiating down the back of his leg. We are thinking that it had something to do with the cook a thon he had preparing some food for our freezer. We spent some time at the hospital to make sure the pain wasn't from a blood clot. He had an ultrasound done on his leg which showed no clot - so we are very thankful! However, he continued to have a lot of pain and little sleep for the next few days - not a great combination for our visit to Medicine Hat.  Well, I managed to take a load of baby clothes there at least! Callum had a massage while we were in the Hat, and then had a couple of chiropractic adjustments and another massage which have helped so much. The chiropractor ordered an x-ray of the back (it appears to have been sciatica) to make sure there was no tumour causing the problem. The x-ray is clear so things seems to be OK. The oncologist ordered an MRI (March 4th) to make sure all is well. His back is starting to get tight again so he has another adjustment and massage on Wednesday. 

We had a visit with the oncologist last Tuesday. Things are pretty good. The liver enzymes have risen again which the Dr says could be either from the chemo or possibly the cancer has spread.  Callum will likely have a CT scan sometime this month to see if anything has changed in the chest, pelvis or abodomen since December. The 5FU chemo has been reduced again, per protocol, so is now 1/2 the original dose. 

We had a good call from Dr. Ahmad today. He has talked with Dr West, the gamma knife surgeon from Winnipeg. He says Dr West isn't concerned about the small change in one of the brain tumours - he feels they have responded to the gamma knife surgery.  We are quite happy to hear that!

We had a great visit with Callum's brother Alan and our niece Alex last week. We were busy with many appointments but did manage some good visits. I do think Callum enjoys having testosterone in the house whenever possible. 

Callum is handling the chemo quite well. Only a couple of days of fatique and a bit of nausea - quite different than before Christmas. 

With Callum doing better  - and being able to drive again - I am spending more time at work. It is coming up to our busy time so hopefully all works out for a while now.

These past few weeks have once again shown me how quickly things can change - for the worse - and for the better.  I have come up with a new response when looking into the future - "we can plan, but no commitments!".  

Overall we are doing quite fine. Bumps here and there but that happens to everyone! 

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.  
W. Clement Stone

TTFN

Back at it!

(Cal enjoying a meal at the Fraserburgh Leisure Centre. Thank you Auntie Beryl and Uncle John!)

It has certainly been an interesting week. Callum's chemo had been postponed to Thursday. Up until now he has always had treatment on a Wednesday. It made the week seem a bit weird. His blood counts have come up enough to have his treatment. We were quite happy about that.  Some counts are still below normal, but not too low for chemo. He has tolerated it quite well again, so far. Sunday, Monday and possibly Tuesday will be the worst days, but hopefully not too bad. His hair still continues to grow. It is quite a bit more sparse on the top yet, but we are hopeful he will have a head of hair again by spring (remember we are in Saskatoon and are about 2 months away from spring yet!).  He had an ultrasound on his arm and the blood clot has dissipated in some areas, but is still there in others. He will continue with the blood thinners for a while yet. We have received the MRI report and it basically looks good. There was nothing new showing and one tumour appears stabilized. The other appears to be a wee bit larger (2mm) than in the last scan, but that could be related  to the radiation and gamma knife surgery. Dr. Ahmad says he is not concerned and forwarded the results to Dr West in Winnipeg over a week ago. We have heard nothing since then so we are confident that there is nothing to worry about. A funny thing about the call - Dr Ahmad identified himself to Callum by his first name, Imran, not Dr Ahmad.  I guess we have become quite familiar these past few months! It made me chuckle for quite a few days. 

The best thing that happened this week is that he found out that SGI (our drivers license bureau) has decided to NOT take his license! He is free to drive now and will just need to submit a medical report in Jan 2010. We are ecstatic! Now he is looking at sports cars.....I wonder what he will choose.  Maybe one like this black one. Who knows.  I am sure he will have fun shopping! 

 I have started putting in a few more hours at work.  Callum is feeling quite a bit better now so it isn't quite as hard to be away. He is back to cooking  - made an excellent stir fry today - it is joy to me! I have to work now to help pay for the sports car and grandbaby clothes and things. We have so many exciting things to look forward to!        

We had been looking forward to another holiday away, but our schedules just couldn't cooperate with our friends' schedules, so that trip to Jamaica will just have to wait. We haven't yet decided if we will still go away or not - we will see how things go over the next few weeks. 

Last fall it seemed like Callum was getting more sick each week, and that we were not going to see many better days. Now, some days, it is once again hard to believe he is so sick. We have many good days. We have enjoyed a few evenings out in the past couple of weeks. And now that he will be able to drive again, I think he will be spending quite a few more days out of the house. I have had many days lately where I believe I am seeing a miracle in the making. He is amazing. We still have little discussions about things. Like how weird this is. When do things get worse? How long will the good days last? At what point does chemo stop? Not easy questions to consider. Determination is there. We have a grandbaby arriving in June and he plans on being there when it is born. He wouldn't miss it for the world! Goals are good. We have to keep having something to look forward to. 

I would like to say that life almost feels normal. But please realize, that our normal is quite a bit different than it was a year ago. Normal now includes Dr visits, chemo, CT scans, ultrasounds, MRI's,  nausea, fatigue, blood counts, supplements, and day time TV (ugh!).   It is so wonderful that these things have once again become a small piece of our daily lives. We plan on having this last for quite a while!

Well, you have caught me on a very good day. I am feeling really positive about today, and the future. I am ready for the bumps. We are ready for the bumps. Life is good.

"Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness - happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky. Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love."

Adela Rogers St John, 1894 - 1988 (American Journalist)                      

A wee bump....

Well, as things tend to go, we have hit a bump in the road. I do believe it is a small one, but another one of those things. Callum was to have chemo today, but is was cancelled as his platelet count is down. It is disappointing and he is somewhat upset and frustrated. And I think scared a wee bit. The platelet count is due to the chemo, not the cancer. I am sure most of you know, but the platelets are the part of the blood that helps clotting. It is kind of a weird situation as he still has some of the blood clot in his arm, but now his platelets are low and he is prone to bleeding. He is afraid that we are too close to having to stop chemo because of the side effects. The people at the cancer clinic seem to take this in stride, so I think we will, too.  The chemo has been rescheduled to next Thursday, Feb 12, providing his platelets are back up. Other than that he is feeling pretty good. He is starting to get some tingling in his feet and a little numbness in his fingertips - both side effects of chemo.  

He had an MRI last week but we don't yet have the results. Hopefully we get them soon. Usually that means that there are no issues, but one can never bank on that!

On the upside, he is feeling well enough to cook so I am pretty happy about that. 

He is looking forward to a night out with some of the guys from the StarPhoenix on Friday - something he hasn't done for quite a while. I am sure he will enjoy getting out of the house and being around a bit more testosterone than usual. He sure deserves to have some fun!

"All things are possible to him who believes; they are less difficult to him who hopes; they are easy to him who loves; and they are simple to any who do all three."  Brother Lawrence