Hurricane Season Has Started

The storm slowly built momentum. A few currents here and there, the wild winds slowly building up speed. At times it was calm. So calm that you could forget the storm was brewing.

Then it hit. And it was mighty. Slam! Just like a brick wall. Even when you know it is coming and you prepare, it seems to always be a surprise how quickly and strong the storm can be.

Hurricane C slammed into our life on Tuesday, Jan. 4.


Callum had his CT scan that morning and we found out in the afternoon that the cancer has progressed in both the lungs and the brain. 

On Thursday we met with the neurosurgeon in the morning and Cal decided to have surgery (in Saskatoon) to have the tumour removed. It has grown 30 - 40% since Oct. Surgery will be sometime around the end of January. Without surgery life expectancy is about 2 - 3 months and would be preceded by some disability and likely coma. Surgery gives the best opportunity for a few more weeks - hopefully 3- 5 months.

We met with the oncologist in the afternoon. He was really hesitant to commit to whether or not there had been real progression in the lungs. The new spots in the lungs are so tiny they possibly have been there all along and were just missed in the slices of the CT scans. He doesn't want us to abandon chemo too early or take a chance that it is still working and quit too early, so Cal had chemo today. Since he has to be off chemo before surgery, he won't have any more until after surgery. They will then do another CT scan and if nothing has changed, he will resume chemo. If there is progression, there will be no more treatment. The chemo won't give him a lot more time, but, along with the surgery, it does give hope for more time. Of course, with the rapid growth of the brain tumour anything can happen any day - so we hope he manages until the scheduled surgery, and we have no emergency trips!  We don’t yet have a surgery date – hopefully we will find out soon.

We have 2 of the best doctors fighting this fight with us. Neither of them could offer years of stable disease, but both believe that Callum deserves as much time as they can give him. We had an interesting discussion in the afternoon with Dr. H. Callum is determined to do whatever he can to extend his life. No surprise, really. I know that I, and our family, want to be sure we have some quality time for what they tell us will be our final months together. I knew we would have to have that discussion at some point and really wasn't looking forward to it! I can't ask Callum to quit or give up. I just want to give him the chance to spend as much quality time as he can with the people he wants to be with. All in all, I am happy with the decision made. We will have a better idea after surgery whether there is true progression in the lungs.

I will be wrapping things up at work in the next couple of days and have applied for a 3 month leave for now – of course I will request to extend it depending on the situation in April.

Of course we will have our “moments” as time goes on. After the phone call on Tuesday afternoon we really were afraid there might be no more options, so were quite thrilled to hear that there is something more to do to extend the time we have. In fact, we even went out for supper to celebrate that there are options!  It might seem a bit quirky to celebrate brain surgery and chemo, but that is our world right now.

We know we have some tough times ahead, but we have some celebrating to do before we worry too much about that!  Jan. 14 is Cal’s 50th Birthday and we couldn’t be happier to celebrate with him. The kids are taking us out for supper Friday night and I am sure we will have time with our Medicine Hat family sometime on the weekend.  There have been a few occasions where we wondered if we would be able to celebrate that milestone birthday. On the 22nd we will be in Calgary as Vanessa gets presented as a grad of the Chartered Accountant School at the black tie CA ball.  Too many good things to look forward to!

After we made phone calls to our family to let them know, I have been wondering how many are wondering why we sound so calm and perhaps not distressed. We have known for nearly 3 years that this day would come. And after every CT scan and MRI for the last 2 years we knew we were lucky to have the disease stable for so long. Callum often says that we have been very lucky to have the amount of time we have had - he was not expected to live past summer 2009.  

He is in tough this time, though.  Perhaps he will beat the odds again and we will have him around for more than a few months.  The doctors were pretty clear - time is limited, there is a small window.  But they will go to the end of the earth to make that time as long as it can be. But as Dr H put it last June - at some point their hands are tied and the disease will do whatever it wants. 

With unwavering determination Callum continues the fight.  His tenacity, stubborness, perseverance, courage and commitment to beat this disease has not changed. He just expects it to be different than what they say! We continue to carry on and face whatever is in our future. 

"To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up. "
Ralph Bunche 

Doctor and God

We had quite an interesting visit with the doctor today. Do you know the joke about what is the difference between God and doctors? God doesn't think he's a doctor! Well, Dr. H. doesn't fit the mold. He told us today he is an oncologist, not God - he also told us he isn't a barbarian!  Well, one thing for sure, he is a great doctor. I had a ton of questions as we have had a bit of a tough month. The biggest challenge has been pain management and some days feeling generally unwell. But, of course, there are many issues when it comes to pain management and this disease, so we weren't sure exactly what problem was causing which issue!

Callum has had increasing pain in his leg/knee over the last month.  He has had to have the pain medication increased twice, although we need to keep in mind that we were behind the pain management to start with, so this may just be a logical path and is now close to caught up.

We spent the last 2 weeks in December in Medicine Hat with Vanessa and Stu.  These two weeks Callum experienced a great deal of pain, some nausea and a lack of appetite most evenings.  He tried so hard to eat at supper time, but last week just had to leave the table as he couldn't even look at the food. He had been taking some short term pain meds for breakthrough pain, but he started taking quite a bit again so he increased the long acting pain med on the weekend and has had a couple of pretty good days. He even made it downstairs to watch the World Junior games! And best of all....he ate supper tonight. That is the first time in quite a few nights. We are crossing our fingers that he will continue to have better days now.  It was starting to get worrisome to see him in such pain and just feeling yucky.

Most of our concerns will be addressed one way or another after the CT scan Tuesday, Jan. 4.  If there is disease progression we will go back to see him to see what the next step is, and plan accordingly. If there is no disease progression, he will continue with chemo, and if he needs a bit of a break or is having some difficulty tolerating the chemo, Dr. H. will temporarily (I think) discontinue the strong chemo, but keep him on the other 2 kinds to help keep the disease stable.

We don't know what to expect - Callum has lost weight every month for the last 3 months (nearly 15 pounds total) and this lack of appetite concerns many of us. However, we do contribute some weight loss to the severe mouth sores he had in November and possibly due to the pain meds.  Dr. H. said today a little weight loss can be good for Callum's leg - less weight on it when he does weight bear (which is not very often now). We should have test results by the end of the week - then we will have a better idea of what is going on.

We had a great Christmas and loved playing with Cade over the holidays. It was a joyful time, really!

Some pictures - hope you enjoy!

Cade loves his tunnel!

Cade enjoying his snack at his new table!

Groovin' with Grandad's new earphones!

Cade - and Grandad - never tire of story time!

What would Christmas be without the World Junior Hockey?

Need I say anything? Isn't he the cutest!

Boys and their toys....

Our family....

"Spend each moment perfecting the next, not correcting the last."  Scott Michael Durski, (20th century).

TTFN