Just when it couldn't get better!

We hope everyone has had a great Christmas season. We had a truly wonderful and special Christmas this year. The best present we got was the news that in June we are going to be grandparents! Vanessa and Stuart are so excited, as is the rest of the family. They chose a real neat way to tell us. They wrapped up a picture frame (see picture) and had Callum open it. It was absolutely one of the most emotional experiences we have ever had as a family! Vanessa is doing quite well and I have already found a sale at Gap for Kids! (thanks Raegan for introducing me to that store!).  2009 is going to be a great year! 

The Christmas week was busy, but we were just thrilled to have so many of our family take the time to share it with us. It was very special for us to have most of Callum's family with us. The cousins are now at an age where they reminisce about the past. Family memories are so wonderful and should be cherished. We had many days where we didn't have to think of the "c" word. We were able to enjoy the holiday season like most families do and are so very thankful for being able to do this. 

Callum had a fairly quick recovery from the last chemo treatment.  He said he hadn't felt that good since about September. He was busy cooking for about 5 days. He has such passion for cooking and loves to prepare new things. We are so lucky - we ate really well for a week!

I am now sitting in a hotel room in Calgary. We heard of some nasty weather headed to Saskatchewan so decided to grab an earlier flight and had to leave at 6 am! We were up at 3:30 am so booked a day room at an airport hotel. We are really excited for our trip and feel a lot more comfortable knowing we are in Calgary. Our flight to London had been moved up so we had only 45 minutes from the time we landed in Calgary until we had to board again - not enough time for our comfort if there were weather delays.

We wish each of you a very Happy New Year and all the best for 2009!

A happy New Year! Grant that I
May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I've played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year.
~Edgar Guest

Happy New Year!

TTFN

Lorna

Good days - yeah!

This had been a pretty good week.  Callum had chemo on Wednesday and most side effects have been quite manageable. The neuropathy - the tingling in his hands and mouth when cold - are a bit worse this time around, but the nausea and fatigue aren't nearly as bad. In fact, he has even got back in the kitchen this weekend all ready! 

My sister and brother-in-law, Karen and Brent, were here Saturday night on their way through to Brandon. We had a great visit and it was so nice that Callum was feeling so well. We don't want to get our hopes up, but it does look like he will have a really good Christmas and our trip to Scotland will be great! It is so good to see him nearly back to himself. One way I know how he is doing after treatment is the way he communicates. When he is feeling pretty rough he grunts and uses had signals to communicate. When he is feeling OK he actually talks. We have had hardly any hand signals this weekend! He is feeling a little tired today, but that is understandable as this is usually one his worst days after chemo. If this is as bad as it gets this time I will be thrilled!

Only 4 more sleeps until Christmas! I am so excited this year and looking forward to having a Scott Christmas. Only 2 more sleeps until some arrive, and 3 more sleeps til the rest of the family is here. And only 10 more sleeps until we are off to Scotland! We will have a busy week and a half!

It is absolutely frigid here now. This morning was -36 with a wind chill of -48 - eeks! It doesn't look like it will likely be warming up anytime soon, either! We hope all of you are able to keep warm!

"Real life is not always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgment of what is working in our lives can help us not only survive but surmount our difficulties."
Sarah Ban Breathnach

TTFN

We made it to Carvers!

Well, we made it to Carvers! I am not sure if any of you have kept track, but we had been trying to go to Carvers, the best dinner place in Saskatoon, for our anniversary supper. We have made 4 reservations since September, and voila! , we made it their last night. It was absolutely wonderful! I had forgotten how wonderful it was to go there and have someone escort you to your  chair after you were at the washroom. Great food great wine and of course, great company! Callum ate more at that one sitting than he has in whole day the last month. 

One slight disappointment in the past week is that my application for short term disability was declined. My Board is behind me 100%, but we are dealing with an insurance company and apparently my life stresses are not really a medical illness according to them. So, Callum and I discussed it, and with the support of my Board, I will go back to work about 20 hours a week until the end of January and see where things are at then. With Christmas and our Scotland trip in there it really won't be hard to do. I will work what I can now and if that needs to change in the future I can make that happen. Oh well, I had 4 weeks off so I think I have recharged myself and manage for a while again.

All in all things are fine. We are trying to keep warm and be ready for Christmas. Callum had chemo today so we hope he has a speedy recovery this time - he said he has decided to not be tired so I am sure he will be fine.

That 's it for now.

TTFN

Lorna

Here we are - nearly 2 weeks since I have blogged. Time flies when you are having fun, so they say!  Well, we haven't really had much fun but it is getting better. I was getting tired of writing about the nasty side of cancer, so I was waiting for things to get better before I wrote again.

It has been a long couple of weeks. Callum struggled with a lot of fatigue the first week of December. The day before his last chemo treatment he was awake only about 6 hours the whole day. We weren't able to keep our anniversary reservation at Carvers so will try again this Tuesday. His white blood cell count was down a bit but Dr. A. decided to go ahead with a reduced dose of chemo along with a 10 day course of antibiotics to prevent any infections. For the most part Callum tolerated the treatment OK, except for the fatigue. We discovered that his blood pressure was low so he has quit taking his high blood pressure meds for now. His blood pressure is a wee bit better now but still not where it should be. We think this is the likely reason for most of the ongoing fatigue he might feel. We are having fun with the diet. Sometimes what he thinks is appetizing is not quite appetizing to his tastebuds! The chemo messes with the tastebuds so what was once a favourite meal comes off the menu! 

Last Sunday we had to let the Avalon go. It was a sad moment, as was the next day when I had to go cancel the insurance and registration. Callum will now have to do his research to pick out his Mercedes so he is ready when he gets his license back! 

The last couple of days have been good - Callum seems to be nearly back to his usual self.  We were able to get out to watch the Blades kick the Wheaties on Wednesday. Callum took a lot of ribbing as he proudly wore his Wheat King jersey.  I spent more than a few days getting the decorating done for Christmas. It is always interesting trying to figure out what to put where in a new house.  We were out to the mall on Thursday and had a quick shopping trip out on Friday. We are in a deep freeze for weather right now so will not be venturing out too much. 

We are busy planning and shopping for Christmas. It is so exciting this year with having most of Callum's family here for Christmas. It has been many years since we have shared the holiday season with them. We have been diligently watching the Food Network to find new things to cook and some tips on how to make our favourite dishes even better. 

It is now only 17 sleeps until we leave for Scotland. We are all really excited for our family holiday.  

Callum has a CT scan on his chest, abdomen and pelvis  on Dec 15, his next chemo is Dec 17 and has his next MRI on his head on Jan 28. We look forward to more good news when we get the test results. 

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins; not through strength, but through persistence. "  Buddha

Have a safe and happy holiday season!

TTFN

Back to reality.......

Well, here we are, back into reality. It was so nice to be away and not have to deal with life!  We left Ixtapa on Saturday and arrived home on Sunday. We had a few precious hours of sleep Saturday night so we are both quite tired. Callum has been very tired for a few days. We aren't sure if it is because he was relaxing, or if it was the heat, or the fact that he was bit by a great black wasp  www.pbase.com/crocodile/image/34100054

He certainly hasn't felt as good as he should given that it is nearly 3 weeks since his last chemo treatment. We were really looking forward to this extra week being so good for him - it has been quite disappointing that he is so tired and nauseous.

Today was a particularly hard day. This morning Callum went into work to tell his staff that his short term disability had run out and he is now on long term disability. I drove him to the office and stayed in his office to wait for him. It didn't take long to see why he loves it there so much. Before the meeting some of his staff popped in. There were smiles and laughs - I was able to see how much he enjoyed those relationships. And after the meeting - more proof. Within a few minutes there were no less than 6 people who had stopped in his office to say good bye, good luck and Merry Christmas. There were lots of thank you's, and I noticed a few tears, too. I really have never seen him in his "work world". We usually kept work and home fairly separate. I think it was a good thing I was there today. He came back from the meeting and I gave him a hug. In his office. Where people could see. He is not known for his public affection - I know it was very tough on him. Although I really have no idea what it must feel like for him. I am usually quite intuitive and empathetic - but this one is beyond anything I have encountered. I had a couple of tears, too. Reality sucks. It feels like another punch in the stomach to me.....imagine what it must be like for Callum.

The other dose of reality this week is the Toyota. It will be picked up on Saturday. We are turning it back in to Red Deer Toyota since it will be at least a year before Callum could get his driver's license reinstated.

Some people wonder how people fight cancer.  Fighting cancer is about so much more than fighting an abundance of abnormal cells ravaging your body. There are many ups and downs. Good test results. Bad test results. Hope. Fear. Hope. Hope. Sadness. Anger. Hope. Cancer strips you down - takes away so many things, one nibble at a time. And sometimes it is a great big giant bite. We must have hope. We must keep positive. But we still get punched in the gut and have to go on.  And we must deal in reality from time to time. Incurable. A very hard word to look at some times. Chemo until you can no longer tolerate side effect or the cancer grows again. Reality. Cancer messes with your mind. How does one deal with what is really happening and yet talk positively about the future? As Callum gets more and more tired I worry that this is about more than a wasp bite or heat.  And even if that is all that it is, I have a preview of what to expect in the coming months. And it hurts like hell. I get annoyed at the things I have to do when he is not well. But up until now he had enough good days to help out with many things. I am not sure when our days will change on a more permanent basis, but  it scares me when I realize that it likely will happen. I don't worry about me so much. I am more afraid of seeing my husband not able to do the things he loves to do, to not be able to do as much as he would like. To become more dependent. More sick. There it is again. Punched in the stomach. If I could wish for anything in the world it would be that he would get better.  

Please understand that I remain positive and hopeful - miracles happen everyday! But it isn't helpful to avoid the facts, as heartbreaking as they are.  Sometimes it is helpful to write about reality....get it out of my system so I can keep my strength to help us get through this....get the miracle......and life back to normal.

 "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
Dr. Seuss